Starting well in pastoral ministry must include building trust with the people you are called to serve. Building trust happens only in relationships, and relationship building begins by getting to know your church members. Whether in a brief encounter or a meeting with individual members and church families in their homes, you can gain valuable insight into people’s lives by asking some simple questions.
Questions to ask during brief encounters
Sometimes, you will have brief encounters with your flock, but you can still learn a lot in a short time. Here are some questions to consider asking during those brief encounters:
- How long have you been connected to our church?
- What brought you to our church?
- Who played a significant role in bringing you to our church?
- What do you enjoy most about our church?
- What do your kids like most about the church?
- What is one thing the Lord has been teaching you lately?
- What ministry in our church helps you feel most connected to God? Other people?
- Do you have a favorite Bible verse?
- Is there something I can pray for with you?
Questions to ask during a sit-down visit
When you are in a face-to-face meeting with a church member, use the acronym F.A.C.E. to guide the discussion. The following is a list of questions (or statements) you may want to consider using during a visit with a church member:
Family
- Tell me about the family you grew up in.
- How long have you been married?
- How did you and your spouse meet?
- How old are your children/grandchildren?
- Do you have pictures of your family?
- Has this area always been home for you and your family?
- What do you/your family enjoy doing for fun?
- What is the best vacation you/your family have ever taken?
- Are there any family matters I can pray about?
Activities
- Where do you work?
- How long have you been working there?
- What do you like most about your work? Least?
- What kind of training or degree did you receive for your job/career?
- What brings you the greatest joy in your life?
- What activities are your children/grandchildren involved in?
- Do you have a hobby?
- What is the most adventurous thing you have done?
Church (Faith)
- How long have you been a member of our church?
- Tell me the story of how you came to faith in Jesus.
- Who helped you come to faith in Jesus?
- Who is currently helping you grow in your faith?
- What challenge to your faith have you experienced?
- What spiritual practices help you grow most in your faith?
- What is one thing you find yourself often praying about?
- Do you have any questions about what it means to follow Jesus?
- Do you have a favorite book of the Bible? Bible verse?
- Are there things in the Bible you find hard to understand?
- What helps you grow closer to the Lord?
- What struggles do you have in following Jesus?
- Are you connected to a Sunday School class/small group in the church?
- How can the church improve?
- How can our church serve you/your family in meaningful ways?
- What hopes and dreams do you have for our church in the coming years?
- Are you currently volunteering or would you like to volunteer in our church?
- What are your expectations for me as your pastor?
Eternity
- How assured are you of your salvation? (This question will be appropriate if their earlier answers gave you concern that they may not understand the Gospel.)
- Who do you love the most who does not have a relationship with Jesus?
- Can we pray for that person now?
- Has anyone ever shown you how to share your faith with others?
- Would you be interested to learn how to share the Gospel? (Be prepared to demonstrate a brief Gospel presentation.)
- Do you have any suggestions for ways our church can better serve our community for greater Gospel impact?
Before the visit
Consider the following tips to prepare for a meaningful visit. First, make appointments to visit with church members either in their homes or in your office. When visiting, if possible, bring someone with you (wife, staff, deacon). This is a non-negotiable when meeting with a woman. Second, pray for the Lord’s wisdom and favor as you meet. Third, dress appropriately and make sure you have breath mints! Finally, don’t be surprised if the visit turns into a pastoral one as people share about their past hurts or current challenges.
During the visit
Consider the following tips as you conduct these pastoral care visits and ask some of the questions mentioned above. (Note: A future article will dive deeper into this topic.)
First, show interest in each church member by practicing active listening. Second, with their permission, take some notes during your conversation. (A future article will discuss taking good notes in further detail.)
Third, keep the visit short. However, keep in mind that some visits may turn into significant conversations that may require a longer meeting.
Fourth, the list of questions above is too long for one meeting, so be strategic in the ones you choose to use. You may also consider visiting with a small group to ask the above questions.
Fifth, if appropriate, be prepared to share your faith story. Finally, after the meeting, be sure to follow up with any requests or concerns.
A Good Start
To earn the trust of your people, more work will need to be done than simply asking the above questions. However, being interested in your people’s lives by meeting with them and listening carefully to the answers they share to your questions will prove a wise relational investment, helping you get off to a good start as you love well.
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