As a new pastor, your church will likely follow some of your decisions while hesitating to embrace others. Although you can usually count on a few vocal dissenters who clearly communicate their disapproval of just about any decision you make, most church members will not say anything about their resistance, at least for a while. Unfortunately, many pastors don’t discover the church isn’t fully on board until long after the decision is made, making it much more difficult to reverse course.
While it’s easy to identify resistance to your leadership that’s open and direct, it’s much more challenging to recognize the way “the silent majority” truly feels. That’s why it’s critical for you to listen well, often to what’s not being said. Here are four ways to do so:
Listen well to their attendance patterns.
Attendance is often one of the first indicators of how people are responding to your leadership approach. Be on the lookout for faithful members who begin attending less frequently or who have stopped attending a small group or Sunday School class.
While a shift in attendance could be due to personal circumstances, it could also be due to uncertainty about the church’s direction, discomfort with the pace of change, or disagreement with a specific decision or change.
While it is tempting (and understandable) to do so, don’t panic over one low Sunday. Weather, work, or a ballgame could all be reasons for a dip in attendance. The key here is to look for patterns or trends among your flock. If you spot a new trend in attendance, it is worth pausing and listening to discover if it has anything to do with how you are leading.
Listen well to nonverbal cues.
In his book, Preaching with Bold Assurance, Hershael York cites a study that analyzes the “believability” of a message based on the “Three V’s” of spoken communication: Verbal, Vocal, and Visual. The verbal component is the content of the message, the vocal component is the tone of the message, and the visual component is the body language and facial expressions as you communicate the message.
The study revealed that when there is an inconsistency between the verbal (what is said) and the vocal and visual (how it’s said), the verbal content is drowned out by our visual and vocal components. For example, if someone describes the wonders of God’s love with a huge scowl on their face, their facial expression will make it much more difficult to believe them. Similarly, if you tell your wife that you’re listening to her while never taking your eyes off your phone, she’s probably not going to believe you.
This finding is incredibly helpful for you as you attempt to listen well to the nonverbal cues of your people. While they may verbalize their support for your proposed idea or change, listen to what their tone and body language are saying to see if they match. Are their arms crossed in meetings or during the service? Have they stopped making eye contact with you? Do they nod in agreement with a frown on their face?
While these are certainly things to look for, don’t get caught in the trap of overanalyzing every facial expression. After all, some folks just have “thinking faces.” Remember that those who tend to be more introverted usually need time to process internally. At the end of the day, use body language as a data collection point, not as a verdict.
Listen well to their participation in ministry.
When people are engaged and excited about their church, they show up and serve. When they’re unsure or resistant to the church’s direction, they often quietly take a step back. Therefore, intentionally observe your flock’s participation in the church’s ministries, and look for indicators that folks might be disengaging.
It could be the long-time volunteer who steps down from their position with little explanation. It could be other church members’ hesitancy to take on new roles. It could be an empty room for an informational meeting about a new ministry you want to launch.
If you notice that folks seem to be disengaging from serving, don’t rush to judgment and don’t give them a guilt trip about their level of participation. Rather, take some time, ask gentle, open-ended questions, and listen well to find out why. Then make the appropriate adjustments, whether that is pacing, communication, increased involvement of others in decision-making, or something else.
Listen well to their questions.
Early in my pastoral ministry, I was intimidated whenever a church member asked me a question about a ministry decision that I had made. Sometimes, the questions were as simple as “Why are we doing it this way now?” or “Are we still going to…?” Regardless of the specific wording, I assumed that every question was a direct challenge to my leadership. How wrong I was! Many folks were simply asking questions because I had failed to communicate the “why” behind the decision effectively.
Over the years, I learned that those questions were a gift from the Lord. They were often an indication that church members still cared enough to seek understanding over a decision or issue in the church. Sometimes, those questions indicated that some in the church were experiencing anxiety over a change or uncertainty about what would happen next. Whatever the reasons and motivations behind the questions, they usually serve as indicators that you’ve got some shepherding to do.
Therefore, when questions come, don’t become defensive. Avoid dismissive answers, such as “That’s just the way it is now.” Rather, seek questions as invitations to shepherd, not challenges to your authority.
Listening with a Shepherd’s Heart
Pastoral leadership is not only about casting vision and making decisions—it is also about paying close attention to the flock God has entrusted to your care. When you listen well, you learn where people are, how they are processing change, and what kind of shepherding they need next.
Many of the challenges new pastors face are not the result of bad decisions, but of missed signals. Listening carefully—especially to what isn’t being said—helps you discern whether your church is ready to move forward, needs greater clarity, or simply needs more time. Leadership that listens builds trust, and trust creates space for healthy, lasting change. If you want to start well, resist the urge to rush ahead and instead commit to listening as one of your most important leadership disciplines.
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