Pastoral care visits are a vital aspect of ministry, especially during the early days at a new church. Here are some key “Do’s” and a few “Don’ts” to help guide you in making your visits both meaningful and helpful, and to communicate your love for your flock.
Some Important Do’s
1. Do Prepare Yourself Spiritually for the Visit
Before visiting, pray for sensitivity, wisdom, discernment, and the ability to be present. Preparing yourself spiritually helps you minister with a compassionate demeanor. A pastor never knows when they might have an opportunity to talk to someone about the Lord and lead someone to faith in Christ.
2. Do Be Present When You Visit
Your presence is more important than having the perfect words to say. A calm, peaceful presence communicates both your love and care for the person. Simply showing up and being available can offer more comfort than your words of wisdom.
3. Do Listen More Than You Speak
Pastoral care visits are about the person being visited, not the pastor. Ask gentle questions and allow space for the individual to respond, vent, cry, or even remain silent. Don’t be afraid of silence, as it can sometimes be both reflective and medicinal.
4. Do Keep It Brief
Many of the people to whom you provide pastoral care are experiencing sickness, pain, exhaustion, or side effects of medication. Unless they specifically ask you to stay longer, a 10-15 minute visit is usually sufficient. Be sensitive to cues (like excessive pain or drowsiness) that it is time to wrap up your visit quicker than expected. A well-timed departure shows respect for the person. Also, if a doctor or nurse enters, be ready to step aside or leave if needed.
5. Do Offer Prayer
Prayer is most often a source of strength and encouragement. Depending upon your relationship to the person you are ministering to, it is often appropriate to graciously ask, “Would it be okay if I prayed with you?”
6. Do Respect Confidentiality
What you hear during a visit ought to be confidential unless the person gives you permission to share their condition or needs with others. Trust is an invaluable currency for pastoral care, so guard it fiercely.
A Few Don’ts
1. Don’t Minimize Their Experience
Even if you’ve seen similar situations before, don’t assume you know how this person feels. Avoid saying things like, “I know exactly how you feel.” Instead, say, “I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you.” Don’t share your own health scares or experiences in a comparative way. Keep the focus on them.
2. Don’t Preach or Offer Clichés
Avoid turning the visit into a theology lesson or a mini-sermon. People in crisis don’t need a theology lecture or overused phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” These often come across as hurtful and insensitive.
3. Don’t Overlook Others
While providing pastoral care, there are often opportunities to minister to family and friends who are trying to care for someone they love. Sometimes, these caregivers are struggling because of the prognosis or needs of the person they care about. Words of encouragement and prayer are often well received by those who are present. Additionally, don’t overlook opportunities to provide support and encouragement to nurses and other medical staff.
4. Don’t Forget Follow-Up
One visit usually won’t be sufficient. Even a brief phone call, note, or text message afterward shows continued care. It communicates that they are not forgotten and that their pain and recovery are important. Also, if you promise to do something for them, make sure to follow through.
Pastoral care visits are mainly about walking alongside people in love. Done well, pastoral visits can be moments of spiritual impact, offering light in dark places and presence in times of tremendous difficulties and loneliness. A faithful pastor does not always come with all the right answers, but the one who shows up with a heart that listens, prays, and loves well. If you do these things, you will be well on your way to starting well.
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